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Gone
It's gone. My hands trembled as I read the letter over and over again, the sloppily scrawled characters that spelled out my fate. A part of me knew that it was just an exercise in futility, but my shock, my disbelief, had gripped me in a raging panic, that maybe the next time I read it, the message would have changed, that the next time, I would wake up from this nightmare, the nightmare I was trapped in, the nightmare of my life . . .
It's gone.
It wasn't until Akane literally ripped the paper out of my hands that I realized what I had been doing, even as I imploringly reached for the stolen item, crying, "Just let me check one last time! Please, please, please . . ."
She had shaken her head no, her eyes welling up at my grief, my pain, my loss. And she had wrapped her arms around me.
And we had cried together.
==========
When I first had seen the letter, postmarked from China, my heart had leaped into my throat. China. Jusenkyo. Curses.
Cures.
I had dashed to my room, ripping the envelope open with impatient hands, hands that snatched up the single sheet of paper that had fallen from within. My godsend.
And now I know there is a Kami-sama. One who loves irony.
My eyes had scanned the words, looking for the important series of characters, the ones that would signify my freedom of the curse. Finally finding them, I read eagerly, not noticing the opening of the letter. One that might have prepared me for the truth to be revealed.
Nanniichuan. There it was. I backtracked to the beginning of the sentence where the glorious word was contained, almost dancing in excitement. Footsteps that lead joyfully all over the room, as I whirled around and around and around . . .
Slowed . . .
Stopped . . .
And screamed.
It was gone.
==========
Akane had rushed in, mallet in hand, yelling about quiet and peace and homework and me being a general all-around baka, to find me, on my knees, reading the letter over and over again. Whispering one word over and over again as well.
" . . . no . . ."
Her anger had fizzled out almost immediately. The mallet disappeared as she took in the shock on my face, the envelope lying forgotten in a corner, the piece of paper clutched in my hands.
She had asked me what was wrong. And I hadn't answered. I didn't even know she had spoken, so immersed was I in my frantic reading and rereading. She had looked over my shoulder to see what had done this to me.
And that was when she understood.
==========
I have to tell Ryouga and Mousse. It's my duty. Honor demands that I do so.
Mousse won't be a real problem. Out of all of us, other than Tarou and oyaji, I think he accepts his curse the most, inconvenient as it may be. What with the wings and the improved eyesight, I guess he considers it a blessing in disguise. Sure, he'd like to be cured, but who wouldn't? At least he's not in danger of becoming Sunday dinner.
Ryouga is not going to be happy. The Lost Boy probably has the worst case out of all of us. Wander into the wrong side of town, which he is very likely to do, and he could end up being butchered and served as barbecued pork for some idiot diner. And being a tiny black piglet doesn't exactly offer much compensation compared to being a human. Mousse has the wings. Shampoo, the grace and agility of a c-c-c-feline. Even I have extra speed in girl-form. Ryouga has zilch, other than being incredibly cute, which is not a blessing in this neighborhood. That, and good hearing; he told me once. That's about it.
Pop won't care. Being a panda means he gets to loaf around all day; he's a panda, what do you expect? Add to that the fact that Mom is out for our hides (and heads, as the case may be), and he has every excuse to keep his curse. I guess I do too, but it's because of my curse that we have to hide from her in the first place.
All the more reason for me to want it gone.
And now it will never be.
==========
Nabiki doesn't understand why I'm so upset, reduced to tears—tears—because of this. It's not like I was always actively searching for a cure before, only getting excited when an easy chance appeared. Romeo and Juliet, Instant Nanniichuan, remember?
She doesn't know. Nobody does.
I've always dreamed of finding a cure eventually. To be able to face my mom without fear of the katana she wields. To be able to go to the beach without having to don a girl's bathing suit. To prove to the world that I'm a whole man, not a perverted sex-changing freak like Akane says.
And mostly, to face Akane and tell her I love her without my curse getting in the way.
I want to, though, gods, I do. But I can't. I want to be able to love her as a man should. To raise children without having them confused in which one of us is called "Mom." To be able to claim her as my wife without anybody telling me I don't deserve her, that I'm not the man she needs or wants.
I want to be able to look her in the eyes and say that yes, I am a man, and that I love her.
I want the lewd stares from my male friends—my friends!—and classmates to stop. I want the attempted splashings in the boy's locker room, the snide, half-whispered remarks, the disgusted looks, the shouts of "Pervert!", all of it to stop. I want—oh gods, I want, I want . . .
I want my cure.
==========
My tears finally stop, and Akane holds me tighter in her arms. I bow my head in shame; Saotome Ranma, crying like, like . . .
Like a girl.
But now I don't care. I'm still a half-guy, half-girl. And the girl side knows what to do sometimes. As much as I hate to admit it. Half-and-half, just like Kasumi and Nabiki said, all those months ago.
I'll never be a whole man again.
Because it's gone.
==========
"Dear Honored Customer,
I regret to inform you that due to a terrible mining accident, the Nanniichuan in Jusenkyo Valley has been destroyed. I am sorry for the inconvenience.
Jusenkyo Guide"
~owari~
Notes: *sigh* I'm probably screwing up the R1/2 timeline majorly, which I am apt to do. Oh well. If I am, tell me; I'd appreciate it.
Okay, so Ranma's a bit OOC here. What happened to the normally optimistic attitude of our beloved pigtailed martial artist? I tucked it into a corner somewhere for the sake of this fic.
As for this fic, the inspiration just hit me in the middle of my Spanish homework, like most fics do (though not always in the middle of my Spanish homework; usually it's math ^_^), and as I didn't have my notebook at hand, I rushed to my computer and just let my fingers fly. Explains your grades. Hey, who asked you? ^_^
Okay, so maybe this type of mood is better if Ranma got stuck as a girl for good, but I, for one, don't plan to write that type of fic for a very long time. Not until I can find a long period with no disturbances and hole up in my room or in front of the PC for awhile. Not likely around here . . .
One last thing about Ranma. I'm sorry, but the guy has got a seriously fragile male ego; (almost) everybody can see the man inside but him . . .