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It's Amazing What Happens . . .
And then Taylor (H) beat the crap out of the dumb blonde, Sage. It was a cat fight between blondes.
"Thunderbolt Cut!"
"Bad Music Barrage!" Due to the overpowering awfulness of the last attack, Sage was irrevocably driven insane.
"Sage!" shouted Rowen. "Are you ok?"
"I had jell-o today," said Sage.
"Snap out of it!"
"It was green."
"Sage!" Rowen shouted again. He paused. "What flavor?" he asked inquisitively.
"Lime with bubbles . . . I like bubbles."
"MMMBOP POWER!" Taylor shouted, holding out a hand. He began his transformation into one of the dreaded Teenybopper Idol Warriors.
"Armor of Strata! Tao Inochi!" shouted Rowen. Sakura blossoms floated around as Rowen's armor transformation sequence thing took place. "I must save the world from this evil that's greater than Talpa! Besides," sniffed Rowen, "he gave Sage jell-o and didn't give me any . . ."
Sage then fell over from food poisoning as the Teenybopper Idol held up a bottle of arsenic and laughed Evil Laugh #731, I've Triumphed and Now You'll Die (TM).
"Sage!" Rowen rushed to his fallen friend. "No!!!"
"Seiji-sama!" A black-haired Chinese girl did the same, and was immediately kicked out a window. The Teenybopper Idol Warrior (call the bugger TIW from now on, ne?) wondered where the window came from.
"You don't need to wonder!" a new girl shouted. "This is a story, baka!" She caught sight of Sage lying there, gave a blood-curdling war cry, and transformed into her own armor. "YOU HURT MY BROTHER!" she screamed, as a bright white aura burst into being around her. "I ALWAYS TOLD LOLA YOU WERE NO GOOD! ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES!" An explosion rent the air as she gave Rowen time to gather his Arrow Shockwave. Rowen had almost completely charged up when a shout suddenly came from out the window.
"HOW DARE YOU KICK ME OUT A WINDOW?!" shouted the Chinese girl, A.K.A. Saturnia, "only Seiji-sama and myself have permission to kick me out a window! You asked for it!" She took out a black kanji ball. "Armor of the Hamster-sized Drawer! Tao (insert kanji for obsession here)!"
*Ami-chan immediately writes in a block that prevents anybody else from writing her in, then writes herself out*
"Arrow Shockwave!"
"MMMBOP POWER!"
Unfortunately for the TIW, the tornado caused by the bearer of Strata carried the blast of the music back into his face. Falling to the ground, the TIW reverted back to Taylor Hanson, who spontaneously combusted.
"Yatta!" Saturnia/Rowen/Shala shouted. "We did it -"
"I don't think so," a new voice rumbled.
Shala gasped. "It's Zitney Spears!"
"HA! I'LL HIT YOU A FEW MORE TIMES! YOU'RE CRAZY IF YOU THINK I WILL LET YOU GET AWAY! HA HAHAHA!"
The three warriors circled around Sage in protection. Three faces tightened in grimaces of hatred. Shala began to loudly lead the other two in Green Day songs to counteract Zitney's disgustingly cheery pop.
"She's gonna get it," Rowen muttered.
"I don't know the words!" whined Saturnia.
"Help . . . me . . ." cried Zitney as she disintegrated. But she didn't completely disintegrate. Zitney saw a bright light but decided not to go towards it, so she stayed halfway alive.
"Oh, no!" screamed Shala, who'd just watched Idle Hands, "she's a zombie! Quick! Someone get the garlic, wait no. A cross! Or is it silver, or light, wait damn!"
"A zombie? That's interesting!" called out a voice from the shadows. It came from a small being with a childlike face. Tons of pouches hung from his belt. A knot of hair sat on his forehead. "So you think it would like to chat with a kender?"
"No!" shouted Zitney, but everyone kicked her out a window. The kender ran after her.
"Wait! I want to -" the kender was stopped in mid-sentence as Zitney backhanded him into a wall.
"You hurt puny kender friend! Now you die! Go for the eyes Boo!" As the world's only miniature giant space hamster lunged at Zitney, the newly arrived Minse ran to the kender.
"What's going on here?" whined Saturnia.
"Shut up!" everybody shouted.
"You're mean!" Saturnia pulled out a giant mallet and proceeded to mash everyone.
Meanwhile, as Rowen and the others frantically dodged the deadly blows of the universal baka-masher mallet (TM), Sage whimpered and tried to sit up. Korin had kicked in awhile ago and cleared the poison from his system, but it couldn't do anything for the insanity.
Thus, it was excusable that the aforementioned Halo warrior got up, and, well . . .
The attempts of homicide and the avoidances resulting thereof stopped as the participants started to notice what was going on. Staring was an understatement as the events tried to make themselves clear to the befuddled group.
"Oh, my god," Saturnia breathed.
"Um, Seiji?" Rowen called cautiously. "Are you okay?"
Shala just whipped out her camera and recorded the event for posterity.
See, Sage had done the unthinkable, something he would never have done if in his right mind.
"I think that's the first time I've seen both of his eyes at once," Saturnia remarked. "While not in armor, I mean."
By then Boo had gnawed Zitney to a stub.
"S-sage?" Rowen approached his best friend hesitantly. "Is that you?"
Suddenly the blonde was flattened by a swarm of pink hearts, followed closely by a matching swarm of adoring teenage girls. Sage, being as screwed as he was at the moment, couldn't do a thing to defend himself as the crowd, trampling the others, carried him off. Rowen jerked Saturnia back by the collar as she tried to join them.
"What?" she asked innocently. Rowen just glared. "Oh fine," she sulked. "Be that way."
"Aw, c'mon Saturnia, you know he didn't mean it like that." Saturnia glared at her friend. "Okay, maybe he did, but still . . . you spend too much time chasing after Goldilocks." Saturnia reached for the mallet.
She was stopped by a chord of vocal music.
"You are . . . my fiiire, the one . . . desiiiiire . . ."
"MAKE IT STOP!" Shala screamed.
"What is wrong with all these stupid pop stars?" Saturnia asked disgustedly. She grabbed the mallet and proceeded to teach the Backstreet Boys that if they wanted to sing, they'd better do it the hell away from her.
"All we need now is for those N'SYNC people to show up," Rowen grumbled.
"Go Saturnia!" Shala cheered.
"Did someone call our names?" said a male voice. Rowen, Saturnia, and Shala turned around.
"I get Timberlake," Shala said with a bloodthirsty smile. "I wanna tell Lil I was the one who killed him."
"Fine by me," the other two chorused. Rowen nocked an arrow to his string. Saturnia hefted the mallet.
Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light. Everyone blinked. There, standing in a cloud of smoke, were the 3 Hanson brothers.
"Hey man!" Rowen yelled. "I thought I killed you!"
"Nope, sorry," Taylor replied. "You killed my former self. The one that hadn't reached puberty, my new self writes depressing mature songs. Bu anyway, we're here on a mission. We must kill N'SYNC!"
"Yeah!" The other two followed.
"And since we're a helluva lot smarter than you lot, we're not gonna use any super powers that could potentially fail. We're gonna use the most powerful attack known to anybody. It has been passed down through our family for many generations." Isaac finished. And with that, the 3 boys proceeded to power bitch-slap N'SYNC, and N'SYNC died, and was sent to hell for torturing the world with bad pop music. Everyone stared @ the 3 Hanson brothers for a good 10 seconds before breaking into cheers.
"Of course, you do know we still have to kill you," said Shala.
"YOU HURT MY SEIJI-SAMA!" screamed Saturnia. "By the way, I'd like to point out a few mistakes made about stuff. For one,"
"Shut up!" everyone shouted.
"For one, I have seen both of Seiji's eyes before."
"Shut up!"
"Two, I don't hate the BSB enough to kill them."
"Shut up!"
"Three . . . you're being mean again!" Saturnia took out her baka-masher (TM) and proceeded to mash the people into bleeding pups.
*from outside the fic, Ami-chan shook her head in disgust, then proceeded to revive everybody but Hanson (all of 'em), and the other demolished pop stars, finally writing herself in*
The other self-insertees and currently sane Ronin stared as a girl in a baggy green sweatshirt appeared, dragging Ryo behind her. She then fetched Sage from wherever he'd been (glass shattered as the assorted and suddenly bereft girls shrieked in disappointment), unscrambled his brain, plunked a dish of jell-o (unpoisoned) in front of Rowen, and stomped back out of the fic. For a moment the remaining characters stared at each other.
"Well," Shala finally said. "That was weird."
"You said it," Ryo agreed. "Where are we?" Sage brushed his hair back in place. Rowen just ate the
jell-o.
"Hidey Ho!" Lola, the newest super character shouted, as she landed in front of the group. Suddenly she noticed the 3 crumpled figures on the ground. "NO!" she shouted, running towards them. She revived them with the magic medicinal trick of this story, Dorito Dust. *Dorito dust can revive anything or anyone, as does Mr. Plummer's magic dust.* "You morons!" Lola shouted at the crowd. "Don't you know that Hanson can't die? I mean, take MON and TTA for instance. There was like a 3 year gap for cryin' out loud!" Lola kicked dirt at everybody. "And if you ever try that again, I'll slay the Ronin warriors. And you guys better be ready, cuz Puff Daddy's on his way here to kill us all."
"This is getting really, really stupid," said Saturnia. She opened up two portals, one to the Ronin world and one to the real world. They turned into black holes and sucked up all the characters and the story ended.
THE END
Epilogue
Taylor Hanson looked around. Everything seemed strangely . . . cartoony. "Hey, Ike! Does any of this seem weird to you?" No answer. Suddenly a Dynasty soldier jumped out from around the corner. Taylor knew no more.
"Hey, Ryo . . . does any of this seem strange to you?" asked Sage. The five Ronin Warriors stood in the middle of the street. Suddenly a car came down the road. All the Ronins but Sage managed to get out of the way. Sage was turned into street pizza.
"Sage? You ok?" asked Rowen. Obviously, he didn't reply.
Shala, Saturnia and Lola were surrounded by darkness.
"So this is what it's like to get
stuck between dimensions . . ."
Authors . . . (Alpha by last name)
. . . Masked Ferret
. . . Chris-kun
. . . Shala-chan
. . . Saturnia
. . . Ami-chan
. . . Lola-sama
*Disclaimer* 1. We apologize for any remaining typos. 2. Ronin Warriors, Britney Spears, N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, and any characters from the Dragonlance® Series, are not ours. In the case of the three middle, they can thank their lucky stars that we don't own them. They'd be dead. 3. Also, author's names may or may not be real, depending. Actually, all of these are our pen names and/or nicknames. 4. We cannot do anything about the fact that this makes no sense, may drive readers insane, or sounds rather awkward at times. 5. We also cannot do anything about the fact that some of this may not agree with your views. Believe us, it's a pass-around story. No one of us can be responsible for anything another may have written. 6. © February (I think, that or March), 2000
7. We wrote this mostly during school. Just wanted to throw that in there. 8. This was written before S-chan's sister forced her to listen to N'Sync constantly for three days or so. She no longer loathes them - merely acknowledges that she hates their music. 9. The comments about the Dust are true. 10. We love Ro-chan and Sage-kun, most of us, and yes, we do own the Jell-o. We don't own the company that MAKES Jell-o, but we own the Jell-o 'cause we make it ourselves in our top-secret underground factory. 11. Shala-chan can't think of anything more at the moment, and has suddenly realized that she has to run this disclaimer by the other conspirators before posting this. 12. Britney, dear, vinyl body/cat-suits are not for you. *Shala-chan, Ami-chan, & Shintouma-onna-hentai-chan*: They're for Rowen! *all notice that everyone heard them and blush uncontrollably*