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Life's a Bitch
A first yaoi attempt by
Shala-chan
It had been three years. Shala, bearer of Insanity, was just under seventeen, and knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted her friends to be happy. And Rowen, her friend and one of five self-appointed older brothers, was not happy. Shala thought she knew the reason why, but kept the idea to herself as the bearer of Strata approached her.
"Shala?" he asked tentatively. She looked up from the book she was reading.
"What is it, bro?"
"I have . . . a problem. And I figure you're probably the best person to talk to about it."
"Shoot. Wassup?"
"Well, for . . . awhile now, I guess, I've been having some pretty funky feelin's, and I wanted to know if you could try a psychoanalysis or somethin'."
"Ooh, head games! Fun! Okay, sit back, lock the door -"
"I should probably lock the door before I sit back."
"Whatever, and tell me how you feel. What's troubling you, my son?"
"You really shouldn't try for a priestly impression, Shala. Next thing you know you'll be making me say fifty 'Hail Mary's."
"And that would be a bad thing because . . ."
"You're a Jew."
"Oh, yeah, whatever. So shoot already."
"I've been feelin' lately like life's kinda a bitch."
"It's your kanji."
"It's still a bitch."
"Actually, it's a witch." He stared at her. "Haven't you ever heard the expression "Life's a witch, then you fly'?"
"Nooooo . . ."
"Well, I have. Interesting concept. So why do you feel life's a bitch?"
"You're supposed to tell me that one."
"Actually, not until I have your thoughts."
"Fine . . ." he sighed. "For one thing, there aren't enough books for me to read anymore."
"I feel like that all the time. Don't worry. It passes."
"For another, we haven't been doing much lately, and things are starting to get boring. And when we're bored . . ."
"You argue like a bunch of crazies and cause a mess of trouble."
"When you put it that way . . . yeah."
"Anything else?"
"I'm head over heels in love with Sage and I can't tell him."
"I thought as much," Shala said wisely. "When'd you finally realize that, you baka?"
"Huh?"
"I said, when did you finally realize that you love Sage?"
"I know that. I just don't like your wording."
"Sai and I discussed it awhile ago. So anyway, why? And when? I'm serious." Rowen sighed.
"It's feels like forever. He's just so, just so . . ."
"Sage?" Shala said dryly.
"Yeah . . . I can't explain it."
"Because love is one of the few inexplicable things in the universe, Ro-chan."
"Universe? You've been to a dimension when it was explicable?"
"One." She held up a finger to emphasize her point. "And everyone there was totally fucked up."
"Really, Shala. I need help!"
"You always have, Rowen," said Kento from the doorway. "Sai says it's time for dinner. C'mon!"
They walked into the kitchen. Sai and Shala exchanged glances. Shala's was triumphant. As soon as Sai saw it, he grinned, then settled down to his more usual All's Right With the World smile.
Rowen was silent all through dinner, studiously avoiding looking at Shala or Sage, just quietly munching what was put before him. He didn't notice it was the food he least liked. He didn't notice the others looking at him in astonishment.
"I thought you hated those," said Ryo.
"Hate what?" Ryo gestured elaborately at Rowen's plate. The archer shrugged and continued eating.
"He's totally out of it," Shala said calmly. "He realized that there's something he didn't know, and I guess his brain went bust or something."
"That explains it," said Yuli, who had come over for the day. Shala was amazed that he actually wasn't turning out too badly. He was a lot like the boys she had known in seventh grade. The nice ones. Just one of those things, she thought. People grow up . . . major suckage. And here I was, determined to stay an angst-ridden teenager forever. She smiled at her fork, then, with a ferocious grin, stabbed her food.
"It deserved it," she explained to Sai. "If Rowen's not going to play with his food when it's something like this, I am. Besides, now it's got an interesting pattern of holes . . ."
"You know, Shala, you're starting to get a little old for that," Sage said.
"Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional!" Shala retorted. "Besides, when have I ever bothered about my age? It's fun, that's all I care about right now."
"Like an inner child?" said Mia. Shala nodded.
"Ego, or id, or whatever."
"I think we should ban all deep thoughts from the dinner table," said Ryo. "All in favor, say 'Aye'." There was a chorus of "aye"s, the only two being absent were Rowen and Sage. Sage looked sulky. Rowen looked as if he hadn't the foggiest idea what was going on. Actually, he didn't . . .
"Cheer up, Sage. This means that Kento will finally understand all the dinner conversation."
"I resent that!" said the stocky warrior.
"Too bad," said Sai. "You aren't allowed to resent anything now; that's a deep thought."
"So I'll resent it later. I'll still resent it at some point, so why not now?"
"Nice logic," Shala said approvingly.
They continued dinner, which was culminated by Shala kicking Rowen under the table. It was the only thing that really startled him. Shala had found that Rowen was adverse to having his shins kicked, no matter how sunk in thought or deep in depression he was. In fact, she had found that this applied to most people . . .
Shala dragged Rowen upstairs after they finished eating to continue their conversation. "So what do you want me to do about it?" she said bluntly.
"Make the problem go away!"
"Um, Ro, that's not really the point of psycho analyzation. That's what therapy is for. And quite frankly, I don't think you're going to be able to get rid of your problem."
"Well then . . ."
"Do something about it, Ro-chan."
"What?"
"Hey, I haven't gotten you to read extensively just for fun, you know. Some of those stories have explicit instructions, or at least ideas."
"I swear, Shala, sometimes . . ."
"I amaze you?"
"More like frighten. Okay, so I'm supposed to do something about it. Like what? This is just ducky."
"Life's a bitch," Shala murmured.
"Damn right!"
"Yeah, and so am I! So get it together, Ro-chan, or I will personally take you to Sage and strip you naked in front of him! Got that?"
"That's easy for you to say!"
"'Course it is. Rolls right off my tongue. Now, as I was saying . . ."
"Well, if I have to do something about 'it' I kinda need some privacy, ya know? At least to talk."
"That is easy."
"Not in this house."
"Well, technically not this house . . ."
"Whaddya mean?"
"The easiest thing. I can create you a pocket dimension with certain limits and attributes of some sort on it."
"Like . . ."
"Telling me when you want to come back."
"I thought telepathy didn't work cross-dimension."
"If I word it properly, I could probably do just about anything."
"I want free will, Shala."
"I can manage that. And if I have my armor help me a bit . . ." She thought about it. "I think simple would be good. About a page is all I really need to create another dimension."
"How long do you think it'll take?"
"Maybe a day. Around that, anyhow."
"Good . . ." he heaved a sigh of relief. "I can't tel him, but I have to, and if I don't do it soon, I'll lose all my nerve, and I just can't take this much longer!"
"Careful, big brother, you're getting a little loud there." She smiled. "I'll have to tell Sai I won the bet."
"What bet?"
"Oh, no bet. Nothing big. I just remembered that I won. Makin' a mental note, you see."
"Right."
"Hey, you want me to do this or not?" she snapped gently.
"Yes, I want you to."
"You'll owe me one."
"Shala, li'l sis, I'll owe you everything."
"That bad, huh? I'll try. Just go and try to pretend to be your fairly normal self, okay? I'll tell you when it's ready . . ."
Rowen thanked her profusely, looking as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from him. Shala grinned broadly, then sent Sai a quick mental message. I won.
Darn!
That's two thousand yen and a cooking lesson, and don't you forget it. I expect payment.
I know, I know.
Good. Well, this should turn out to be beneficial for everybody. It's no like you lost much!
True . . .
Shala stopped talking to Sai and pulled out a pen and some paper. Then she put on her armor. She told it what specifics she needed, and creativity began to flow, even though all she was doing was describing the new dimension and its limitations.
Shala spot-checked the document for grammatical errors, then went home to type it neatly. She didn't want any problems accidentally caused by bad handwriting. Mostly because she had trouble reading her own writing after the armor got its hold on her. She tucked the paper under her pillow, and stayed home for the rest of the evening.
The next day, Shala made sure her socks were clean (they often weren't), and popped cheerily into the Ronin's dimension with the paper folded up in her pocket. She walked over to Rowen and snapped her fingers under his nose.
"I've got it," she said, making it sound as if he was borrowing a book or something along those lines.
"Oh, thanks."
They went into a more private room, where Shala took the paper out and handed it to Rowen. It needed to be smoothed out a bit before it could be read, but was otherwise fine. "This is great!" Rowen exclaimed. "Shala, I don't know how to thank you . . ."
"Don't. The hard part hasn't even started yet. First, we have to get both of you there, and then begins the real trial. The ordeal. The deciding factor. The -"
"I get your point," Rowen said hastily. "So how are we supposed to get Sage to another dimension like that?"
"Sleep."
"Sleep?"
"Yeah, I'll do it tonight when you're both asleep. That way you can just discuss it when you wake up in the, well, whenever you both end up being awake. How's that sound?"
"Fairly perfect. I don't totally like it, but . . ."
"No other choice?"
"Yeah . . ." he said sadly. She hugged him. "What was that for?" Shala was a huggy person, but she generally had reasons for doing so.
"Good luck," she explained. "Oh . . . this is so romantic . . ." she sniffled, and went to find Sai, who was always ready to listen to mushy stuff like this.
Rowen thought over what Shala had said, and shrugged it off. He wasn't entirely certain of this whole romance concept. No, he decided, Shala had just definitely been reading way too many mushy stories lately. But still . . .
"It's just so picture-perfect," said Shala to Sai.
"I suppose. But really, with Rowen, nothing is picture-perfect."
"You're right. Sage, however is generally a picture-perfect guy . . . this could present some problems."
"You want that cooking lesson now?"
"Nah . . . tomorrow, maybe."
"You want to figure out what we're going to cook?"
"Sure."
It was night. It was night, and it was quiet and still. Except for Shala. She was roaming in the general direction of Rowen and Sage's room. She tiptoed quietly in the door, and, fixing her recent "story" in her mind, moved Rowen. Then she brought Sage in herself, tucking both he and Rowen into their respective beds. And then she quietly left the dimension.
It was dawn. Sage's internal clock forced him up, so he resigned himself to listening to it yet again and got out of bed. He looked over at Rowen and smiled slightly. He'd fallen asleep with a book again. He pried the book out of Rowen's hands, marked the page, and put it down. Then he went to get himself some breakfast.
As Sage traversed the house, he started noticing odd things. Such as, it was generally like this in the early morning, since hardly anyone else got up the same time he did, but there was usually at least one other person awake, and there was generally noise. Kento snoring, Ryo tossing, Sai mumbling recipes in his sleep, White Blaze purring. And then, when he went to check on them, nobody was there. There was food in the kitchen, everything looked normal, except for the fact that nobody seemed to be home. Even White Blaze. And the beds were definitely unslept in. There were no notes to indicate that they had gone somewhere. He pinched himself.
"Ite! Okay, certainly not dreaming . . ."
With sudden inspiration, Sage remembered Rowen seemed to be there too. He literally ran into their room, and went over to Rowen. He began shaking Rowen's arm. "Rowen!" he said urgently. He reinforced that with his mind. Rowen slept like a dead log, but sometimes a mental tweak did the trick.
"G'way," he mumbled. "'S too early t' wake up."
"Come on, Rowen! This is important!"
"Wha?" he asked sleepily.
"Everyone's gone!"
"So?"
"It's like nobody else has been home for days!"
"So?"
"It's like we're not even -" a thought struck him "- even in the right dimension," he finished lamely. I am so going to kill Shala.
"Yeah, so?"
"Oh, go back to sleep." Rowen happily complied, and flopped back into blessed oblivion. Oh great, Sage thought. I'm stuck in another dimension with the one person I'd rather not be near right now, and I can't even send out a call to Shala to bring me back because Shala told me telepathy doesn't work cross-dimension. And it wouldn't matter anyway, because nobody back home would be awake now. He paced a bit, then a thought struck him. Just go through the day as if nothing is wrong. With a sigh of relief, Sage went to meditate. He'd let Rowen wake up on his own time.
Five hours later, Rowen dragged himself out of bed and into a shower. So Sage had noticed. Oh well. He'd just think Shala was playing a trick on them or something.
Ro? Shala thought hesitantly. He started, and hit his shin on the edge of the shower, cursing.
Ite! What?
I forgot to tell you, if you get in a rough spot, I left you something under your bed. Just do what the note says, k? Her presence vanished from his mind. Rowen rubbed his leg absently, and continued with his shower. Then he got out and went back to the room to change. Sage was sitting on his own bed, reading. Rowen was so startled he almost dropped the towel.
"S-sage?" The blonde looked up.
"What?"
"I think . . ." he steeled himself, "I think I need to talk to you." For a moment, a look flitted across Sage's face that was much like that of a deer caught in a car's headlights.
"So talk."
"I think I'd feel better if I got dressed first."
"Feel free to do so at any time," Sage said, and went back to the book. Rowen stalked over to the closet, pulled out a change of clothes, and stalked to the bathroom to change. He came back a few minutes later normally attired.
"I think I'd like to have that talk now," he said hesitantly. He sat down on the edge of his bad and looked down at his feet. "Sage, for awhile now, I've . . . I . . . I CAN'T DO THIS!"
"Do what?" Sage asked quietly. Calmly. Too calmly. If Rowen had looked up, he would have seen the expression in Sage's one showing eye. It certainly wasn't calm.
"I suppose I . . ." Rowen continued awkwardly. "Oh . . ." he flipped over and stuck his head under the bed. He looked at what Shala had left him. It was a tape player. With a note. It said "Just Press Play." He did.
And music that expressed what was hidden in the deepest recesses of his heart and soul began to play.
Shala suddenly began to sing in the middle of her cooking lesson. Sai looked at her in astonishment.
"I wish I could tell you
But the words would come out wrong
Oh if only you knew
The way I felt so long
I know that we're worlds apart
But I just don't seem to care
These feelings in my heart
Only with you I want to share
The first time I caught
a glimpse of you
Then all my thoughts were
only of you
I hope that when time goes by
You will think the same about me
Many nights awake I lie
I only wish that you could see
I know we're only friends
I hope this feeling never ends
If I could only hold you
It's the only thing I want to do
The first time I caught
a glimpse of you
Then all my thoughts were
only of you . . ."
"That's what you sent him with?" Sai asked incredulously. Shala nodded. He caught her up in a happy bear hug. She didn't know Sai was that strong . . . She was beginning to have trouble breathing. "It'll work! It will, it will!"
"Sai, could you put me down? Air would be useful."
"Sorry . . ."
The music in the room ended. Rowen looked at Sage. His blonde friend had a faraway, stricken expression on his face.
"I knew I shouldn't have . . . oh, fuck me," Rowen said disparagingly.
"I'd be happy to," Sage said in a choked voice. Rowen looked at him, startled. "Ro-chan, I never even . . ." At a loss for words, he did the only thing he could do.
He closed the short distance between himself and Rowen in two seconds, and crushed his mouth to Rowen's in a kiss that was most certainly anything but chaste. And then he opened his mind to Rowen.
The outpouring of emotions into his mind vaguely surprised Rowen, as did the way Sage's hands were - his eyes widened.
Shala, he managed to get out, I think we'll need a few days . . .
Oh, most certainly, Sage added, following the route of Rowen's thoughts. Most certainly.
Shala had the good grace to blush.
"It worked?" said Sai.
"Oh, yes," she said, still bright red.
"You know," said Kento, peering into the kitchen in hopes of food, "I haven't seen Rowen or Sage all day."
"Me either," said Ryo from behind him
"You won't," Shala said mysteriously.
"Where are they?"
"Not telling."
"Come on, Shala, don't be bitchy."
Smiling softly, Shala changed some of her favorite Green Day lyrics to fit the situation.
"Life's a bitch and so am I, Rowen owes me, so fuck you .
. ."
*Disclaimers* I do not own Ronin Warriors/YST in any way. Except possibly the possession of a few action figures, but I don't own the rights to those. The lyrics in this fic are all copyright Green Day. The song Shala's singing is called "Only of You" and it's from the album 1,039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours. It's good. You should look into it. The lyrics that were changed at the end are from "The Grouch" from the album Nimrod. Just needed to get that off my chest. Also, any C&C would be welcome, you can send them to say_chan@hotmail.com (put something about Shala-chan in the subject . . . It's our mutual addy.) I do prefer not to get flames, though . . . constructive criticism is always welcome, even though there's a chance I won't listen to it. I'm a little defensive sometimes. *friends look at her in astonishment* Okay, VERY defensive most of the time. That's me! As for the rest of this fic, you can blame it on too much yaoi at two a.m. on Friday and Saturday nights, a deep sense of mush, my firm belief that Rowen and Sage belong together, the fact that the first time my sister saw RW, her only comment was "That guy is gay, isn't he.", and the complete truth of the matter, I suppose, is that I'm about a smidgeon away from being clinically insane. *sigh* I've already talked too much. You may slap me now. *smack*