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Therapy With a Zing
Session One
by Shala-chan
Author's Note: I apologize for any typos
We aimlessly wander the hallways of the building, wondering why the hell we're there. Someone hears voices in the next room, so we all stop to listen. It sounds strangely like . . . . IS THAT ZECHS-SAMA!?!?!? We all jump with joy.
"Could you quit that?" the platinum-haired Adonis asks through the walls. "I am trying to have a therapy session here."
We wonder how on Tallgeese II anyone could have finally convinced him he needed it.
"What is your name?" a pleasant female voice asks.
The Lord of Yummyness's voice wavers. "My name, or my real name? Don't you know my name already? I'm so confused!"
"Both."
"Zechs Merquise, otherwise known as Milliardo Peacecraft." Several of our group faint at the sheer heavenlyness of his noble voice. Others, being more practical, simply drool.
"Now, what convinced you that you needed therapy?"
"My sister," our idol growls. We grimace sympathetically, hoping that if our distaste is strong enough, he will be able to feel it.
"Besides that. Why do you think she thought you needed therapy?"
"I have no idea."
Someone snickers.
"Fine! Be that way! You want to really know what's wrong with me? I have low self-esteem, an inferiority complex, a tendency towards chronic depression, I'm a suicidal/homicidal fucking maniac who tried to destroy the world, and I won't cut my hair! My father's ghost constantly hangs over my shoulder! IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU?"
The therapist has apparently either treated other bishounen, or is simply nonplussed by this outburst.
One word sums up the therapist's response. "No."
"What?"
"No. That is not enough. Why do you think you have low self-esteem? Why an inferiority complex?"
"I kill people. My hands are stained with blood."
"I can see that."
"Excuse me?"
"Sir, your bandages appear to have come loose."
"Yes. I apologize for the behavior of my bandages."
There is a brief silence until a buzzer is pressed. Minutes later, a nursing aide comes bustling down the hallway to change the bandages of our precious Zechs-sama. We wonder where the hell she came from.
The aide bustles right out again carrying a plastic bag with the yucky bandages in it.
Inside, therapy resumes.
"So why does killing people give you low self-esteem? Or an inferiority complex?"
"The low self esteem started after I was told I had no future. Damn Zero system. The inferiority thing . . . I am not fit to rule my father's kingdom. My hands are too stained with blood. He would never approve."
"So you think your younger sister is better than you?"
"Yes. She is."
"I . . . see."
We make gagging noises out in the hallway.
"Shut up out there! If you are going to eavesdrop, do it quietly! FOOLS!"
"Gomen, Zechs-sama!" we call in unison. We hear a sigh.
"She may be annoying, but she still has a purer heart than I. She is still innocent."
"Then maybe those heart crystal snatchers should take Relena's heart instead," one of our Moonies mutters.
"Pure heart my ass!" another of our company exclaims quietly. "She chases after Heero all the time! You know what she wants to do with him, and that's not pure at all. Hmph! She even keeps him away from Duo!"
We all sigh and nod in agreement.
"Is there something between those two I should know about?" the therapist calls out. "I have Duo Maxwell next session for trauma counseling."
"DUH!" our leader calls back. "Look at them! One's as good as Two! Two's as good as One!"
"THIS IS MY THERAPY SESSION!" Zechs-sama roars.
"Possessive, too," the therapist notes calmly.
~Session One Owari~
So how do you like my insanity? I just sort of suddenly realized that, since we all know how fucked up our dear Zechs is, it might be interesting to observe a therapy session with him. And just maybe . . . Hnh. Maybe I can try this with everybody. I think Lady Une really needs some medication, don't you? I mean, quite frankly, that she has a multiple personality disorder. I have the feeling other people have had ideas like this, but since I thought it up independently, and I'm doin' it MY way, s'not like it's plagiarism. ANYONE could see they need therapy. I think therapy might be interesting. Maybe I should give in to my mother and let her take me . . . Or not. *giggle* They'll hafta wrap me up in a straightjacket first! *ahem* I don't think that day is too far off, dear.